Infernal machine!

That infernal rowing machine has got it in for me!  It wants me off and no doubt about it.  Lazy machine doesn’t want to be rowed! When cranking the resistance up to life-threatening levels for prolonged periods doesn’t work it then resorts to demoralisation tactics by telling me how unfit I am.  Apparently I could smear myself with electro-conductive goop (steady!) so that the heart-rate monitoring device would work better, but if I did that I’m sure the machine would contrive to connect me to the mains!  Perhaps I’ll threaten to replace it with a skipping rope – see how it likes that!

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